A Break from Our Usual Programming – Today I present you with BingeNYC’s first guest blog, an entertaining review by J. Slernon (Clearly all names in this post have been changed, so don’t bother googling). While this is not necessarily the sort of review I’d generally include on the site, I’m pretty sure the entertainment value here outweighs the fact that in all likelihood, not many of you dear readers are looking to dine on sushi surrounded by strippers.
As the fatigue of the workweek began to take its toll, my mind going numb from paper work and hunger, thoughts of a nervous breakdown were interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. ”Hey man, what are your plans for lunch?” my friend and fellow colleague Don, asked one long and drawn out Friday afternoon. “I’m starving, and I’m going nuts sitting in this office”. I let my stomach ponder for a moment. “How about Flash Dancers?” I joked, referring to the quaint little strip club down the street from our Manhattan office building. Every day on my way to work, a man hands me a flier for the “2 for 1 Happy Hour and Sushi Buffet” at Flash Dancers on 52nd Street. Only in New York City can you lunch at a burlesque joint across the street from Shrek the Musical. “Yes!” Don emphatically cried. “I’ve been working my ass off all week, and its Friday. I could really go for some sushi, lets do it!” I flinched briefly, as I was low on funds, the weekend had not even started yet, and strip clubs, history has shown, tend to cost me a lot of money. But I’d be damned if I was going to wimp out in front of my new co-worker and let him call my bluff. Besides, what, am I not going to spend my lunch break at a strip club?
I envisioned a place beyond these bleak corporate walls and blinding halogen lights. A place filled with flashing multi-colored fog, decadent eastern seafood, reasonably priced drinks, waitresses dressed provocatively, and the lingering aroma of lies of despair. “Lets go!” I said, “I can’t keep walking by that place every day. We have to go, just to get it out of our systems.” So we gracefully made our exit out of the building, both well aware that this could not be a worse use of our time or money. However, we were hungry, and New York, after all, is known for its great sushi…and strip clubs. As we approach Flash Dancers, an elderly doorman greeted us in the classic red velvet valet coat and cap, pulled on the shiny brass door, and guided us down the dark stairway into an abyss of scantily clad women and uncooked Japanese fish. Like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, I was certain I was combining my senses in the most surreal way possible, and I, most likely, would not be the same again.
Once downstairs in the catwalk/dining room, I immediately noticed the fact that Happy Hour ran from noon – 3pm, and drinks were 2 for 1 (Oh, and I suppose there were about twenty nearly-naked girls walking around as well). Don and I were seated next to a table of aging hot-shot business men, unaware that they were way past thirty and it was now sad they still ate at strip clubs – for the amount of money they were throwing around, they should have had girlfriends. And some dignity. To our left was that one quintessentially creepy bald guy, who had clearly been there since breakfast and was not leaving anytime soon. Dining companions aside, we did have an exquisite view of both the kitchen and the catwalk. Our waitress approached us, menus in hand. She was a cute young blonde, whose Eastern-European dentistry glowed neon green in the black lights, nonetheless one of the better looking mid-day strippers. Don and I ordered a round of Johnny Walker on the rocks and the Sushi Platter, and sat back enjoying the entertainment. (Not like that, our entertainment stemmed from the fact that we were technically still at “work,” combined with the look of disbelief on the face of every stripper that came our way offering a lap dance, once we informed them that we really were there just for lunch. And, well, some of those dance moves were pretty damn impressive).
Our food arrived late, which I am certain was on purpose, giving us time to take in the full “ambiance” of the establishment. The Sushi Platter came with four shrimp, a California Roll, assorted Sashimi, and two Spring Rolls, accompanied by some excellent wasabi and ginger. Thankfully, the California Rolls were the best part of the meal, as they were what we had come for. The rest of the meal was a culinary travesty. The shrimp were chewy and served room temperature. The Spring Rolls tasted like a combination of wilted lettuce and non-descript grass clippings, and the sashimi had decent flavor, but was otherwise unimpressive. Overall, I felt quite mislead by the large banner and daily promotion of this Sushi Lunch Buffet. The dream of delicious sushi served to me by sexy erotic dancers in the middle of the work day was clearly just too good to be true. The honest-faced Columbian man outside handing out fliers sat on a throne of lies. In retrospect, I suppose expecting the sushi at a strip club to be outstanding was about as foolish as expecting the strippers working at 1 pm on a weekday to be hot.
Overall, I would give Flash Dancers a C for the food, but an A for the drinks special and atmosphere (if only based on amusement). After we finished our meals, Don and I crawled back up the rabbit hole, and were thrown into the blinding sunlight, surrounded by the hustle and bustle of Broadway, as if nothing had ever happened. I was giddy with the excitement of returning to the office having survived that bizarre circus of sensual pleasures, and even though the food was mediocre, I still feel bad for everyone who had spent lunch at their desk eating a turkey sandwich.
OKAY i suppose i’ll be the first comment. first off, NO I DID NOT AUTHOR THIS ARTICLE. secondly, YES ITS BRILLIANT. third, where the f*k are your comments people? hahaha
priceless